Fan Mail

Dear Anonymous Mean Girl:

My daughter is being bullied by some girls at school. As a mean girl, what could girls have done to avoid your wrath? How do you think we can end bullying completely?

My name is Judi Young, but please conceal my name as "Concerned Mom" or something please.

Dear Judi Concerned Mom or Something:

The best advice I can give your daughter is to suck it the fuck up. I went to school during a time when girls were men and we didn't have to worry about kids committing suicide, murdering the student body or getting pregnant because other kids didn't think they were as special as their parents assured them they were.

Chances are that, up until this point, you thought your new agey, protective parenting bullshit was the way to go. But now look what's happened. You've turned your daughter into a little pacifist who can't talk another teenage girl into an eating disorder.

To get her off her high horse, assure her she's not that special and that the rest of the world couldn't care less whether she lives or dies. In fact, YOU may not even realize that if you and your daughter simultaneously slit each other's throats tomorrow, I'd move on with my life without giving it a second thought. Seriously. I wouldn't have a moment of silence or anything.

As for "ending bullying", shut up. As long as there are children, there will be bullying. Kindly die in a house fire if you think otherwise.

-Mean Girl
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