Tina Fey, You Bitch

I'm starting this blog to share my perspective and better the world.

I'm sure you think you'd like some background info on me, so I'll humor you. In high school, I was a mean, rude, thoughtless, selfish little pig. Basically, I was Alec Baldwin's daughter*. But I wasn't fat. I don't know if that little Baldwin bitch is fat, but if she is, I'm sure national media attention to her father berating her will fix that real quick. Anorexia: not as bad as you think. (Don't do that bulimia shit, though. You just end up getting fat again.) So I was a "mean girl", as it has come to be known. We didn't call ourselves that in high school, it's just something that Tina Fey made up. I probably would have made fun of Tina Fey in high school. I know some of you will say "joke's on you, she's rich and famous!", but I'm anonymous, so I might be rich and famous. Plus, it would be Tina Fey's joke, so it wouldn't be very funny anyway.

I digress. Anyway, everyone pretty much thought I would eventually grow up and become a demure young lady who would find a husband for whom I would cook and clean and bear children. Wrong. I'm way too smart for that. Instead, I got a job and went to school. Now I make a fantastic living and fuck 18-year-old black football players on the weekends. Suck on that, Tina "Scarface" Fey.

What the fuck happened to Tina Fey's already dastardly face to leave a scar like that? I bet a dog mistook her for a ribeye steak and pounced.




*I'm not Alec Baldwin's daughter, don't sue me.