Apartment Fires

You know what's funny? Apartment fires.

Chances are, if you've ever seen any local news, you've seen a few hundred thousand stories about apartment fires. I don't know what causes so many apartment fires, but I can say with a degree of certainty that they're probably generally caused by some hilarious shenanigans, like crack. I say crack because apartment complexes housing affluent white people NEVER burn down.

Your typical apartment fire victim is a 19-year-old, 500 pound black woman with 18 kids. Sometimes a trashy white lady can be substituted, but not usually.

Apartment fires are only funny because the kids never die. House fires, though, are a different story. Kids always die in house fires, and spurned lovers always start the house fires.

Apartment fire stories sound like Mad Libs every time. The large black woman will stand in front of the shell of an apartment complex with a booger encrusted 3 year old with an afro. Her other fifteen kids will be running around making faces at the camera. And it's always in the summer.

To write an apartment fire story, use the template below.

"I was just (low impact activity) while the kids was (disorderly behavior) when all of a sudden I heard a loud (unusual noise). Then I (annoying sound) and (woke up or called) my momma and said "Momma, I think some shit be on fire!" So my momma told me to (an obvious course of action) and I did. Next thing I know, me and the kids was standing in front of (an ebonics version of "the flaming apartment") and y'all showed up."

Of course, you'll then be informed that you can make donations to the Red Cross, and someone probably started an impromptu charity where you can drop off clothes and other necessities.

If only they had gone to college instead of making babies.